'joke's on you! I was only pretending to be stupid!' [He snorts at his own joke.] Just smooshing them in there is pretty gross, don't even try to pretend it ain't.
Wow, you play stupid very realistically! You should quit your jobs and become an actor. [He snorts as well, because it's so dumb] Don't be a girl, it was hilarious.
May as well have. Contamination and all that. Your taint was on those fries. [Yes, that was intentional.] I'm gonna wake up and enjoy shitty music with shitty hair and give the batmobile shitty decals.
[He makes a face] You are so fucking gross. And you should be so lucky if you woke up looking like me, having my shit. That would be your dream come true.
What the fuck is so wrong with what you're doing now? [And maybe it's the first time he'd really fully admit that he liked their life too. There are things he used to envy, no matter what he said] You have a good life here. All your friends are here.
And what do I have besides the five of you? Nothing. I didn't spend the last few years breaking myself just to stop and spend the rest of it in Nowhere, Virginia. You and Ronan'll go back to the Barns the moment Matthew turns eighteen, and you two'll figure out what you want to do in life. Ronan'll probably start the farm back up. I don't know about you, but you'll find what you want and just go into it head on, because I can't see you doing anything else. Maybe you'll take over your family business but I don't see that for you. Gansey? If Gansey lives, he's going to go off and do all the things Gansey's always done. Finding ancient things and solving mysteries. Blue'll go off and save the entire freaking ecosystem because she's kind of awesome like that. And then they'll have their own happily ever after because wherever one's going to go, you can be sure the other's going to be right behind them. Noah'll either end up coming back from death and can finally grow up, or he'll be out here, there, wherever he wants to go because he can do that. But what about me? Where's my happy ending in all of this? Waiting for one of you guys to come back to Monmouth and remember that I'm still out here, working my ass off just to live? Tending the ley line while nobody else gets me?
I don't know about you, but that's not what I want.
[It's quite a bit of word vomit from Adam, maybe the most he's ever said in one go. The alcohol must be working on him, though, because there really isn't any shame there, just a feeling of lightness for getting it off his chest.]
I don't want to be left behind, but it's gonna happen if I stay here.
[Yeah, that's definitely the most he's ever heard Adam say. That might be the most he's ever heard anyone say and it's weird that Adam is telling him of all people, but he's actually ok with it. He even finds himself understanding where Adam is coming from]
You're right. Everyone's probably gonna do all those things. And you might get left behind here, or you might not. But if you think your happy ending, or whatever, isn't here, then you should get out of here. They're all gonna cry about it for ages, like babies, but fuck that. You do what you gotta do.
You do have really good friends here though. And I bet they're always including you in their future plans, one way or another. When we move to the Barns, we can rent a space out for you with the cows and the piggies.
That's the plan. But I still want you guys around. I even like being the Magician. Just because I plan on doing other things doesn't mean I won't forget any of you. You're the only friends I've ever had.
[He looks back up after taking another sip of vodka with a small glare. He hasn't let himself think this way since he decided to move into Monmouth, but Kavinsky's new to all of this, still.]
That's part of it, too. I don't want any of your pity. I don't want to be the afterthought or on the fringe of the lives you guys are making because I don't have anyone else. I think that'd be worse than if you guys just all drifted away.
[It's a very strange feeling to be included in the friends thing, but there it was, all out in the open] I don't think any one of us would let you forget us anyway. What are you gonna do at college?
[He rolls his eyes] It's not pity, asshole. I don't do that shit. But whatever, I don't care. Being nice is not my thing.
Political science. Maybe business administration. Something that'll get me to the top.
[He drains the cup and reaches for the bottle.] How else am I supposed to take it? I tell you one of my biggest fears and then you turn around and tell me that I can live in a spare room on the property so I don't feel as left behind. That's pity if I've ever heard it.
Well, Aglionby should set you up pretty nicely for all of that shit. Maybe you can be the mayor of Henrietta one day.
Whatever, man. I didn't mean it that way. It's just weird to think of all you fuckers not being together. This place is cool. Monmouth. With all you guys living here. It's like, a better version of what I used to have, cause you all actually give a shit about each other. You'd do anything for each other, I bet, and that's cool.
[He lets himself think about that, and smiles wistfully. The idea's a nice one, but even that seems so far removed from where he is now that it feels like an ocean's separating him from it.] Maybe, yeah.
We do, but it isn't permanent. We're all only here because there's nowhere else for us. No one else really understands or tries to understand the things we've seen or done or been through. Except Gansey. That's what holds us together, and when all of this is said and done? When we find Glendower, then what?
You'd implement all kinds of boring rules. Except for dick day.
[He furrows his eyebrows, wondering if the others feel this way too] You're all only here because there's nowhere else for you? That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. [he sounds almost offended by this, because then it just sounds like they're all using each other too. In a different way than him and his friends, but still. Using each other for company because there's no other options. He's never seen Adam, Gansey and Ronan like that before. Even the dead kid fits right in here, because they just do that. They fit] You're really fucking stupid if you think that. If you think some old bag of bones is all that's holding you together.
First law would be to prohibit that atrocious hair of yours.
It's not. [He knows it isn't, really, but it's difficult for him sometimes to look at positives.] I'm just...I worry about this kind of stuff, okay? What happens after all of this? Where does that put all of us once we don't have all of this weird in our lives anymore. Even just going back to school and dealing with normal stuff is hard after the summer we just had. That's what everything's going to be like after all of this.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2014-12-08 04:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-12-08 04:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-12-08 05:07 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2014-12-08 05:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-12-08 05:23 am (UTC)I just did.
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Date: 2014-12-08 05:28 am (UTC)You're trying to irritate me, that's why.
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Date: 2014-12-08 05:31 am (UTC)That really bugs you? It's your name, though.
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Date: 2014-12-08 05:37 am (UTC)Adults call me that. Assholes call me that. Are you an asshole?
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Date: 2014-12-08 05:48 am (UTC)No, but I am an adult.
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Date: 2014-12-08 05:54 am (UTC)[he snorts] No you're not. [He downs the rest of his burger] Besides, who the fuck wants to be an adult. Adults are shitheads.
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Date: 2014-12-08 06:03 am (UTC)Legally, I am. That's what counts, so that's what I'm going with. And I want to be an adult, so I can get out of here.
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Date: 2014-12-08 06:07 am (UTC)[He raises an eyebrow, sitting back on the couch] Where you gonna go?
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Date: 2014-12-08 06:09 am (UTC)College. Then the city. Make it on my own and be better than what I am now.
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Date: 2014-12-08 06:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-12-08 06:37 am (UTC)I don't know about you, but that's not what I want.
[It's quite a bit of word vomit from Adam, maybe the most he's ever said in one go. The alcohol must be working on him, though, because there really isn't any shame there, just a feeling of lightness for getting it off his chest.]
I don't want to be left behind, but it's gonna happen if I stay here.
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Date: 2014-12-08 06:58 am (UTC)You're right. Everyone's probably gonna do all those things. And you might get left behind here, or you might not. But if you think your happy ending, or whatever, isn't here, then you should get out of here. They're all gonna cry about it for ages, like babies, but fuck that. You do what you gotta do.
You do have really good friends here though. And I bet they're always including you in their future plans, one way or another. When we move to the Barns, we can rent a space out for you with the cows and the piggies.
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Date: 2014-12-08 07:06 am (UTC)[He looks back up after taking another sip of vodka with a small glare. He hasn't let himself think this way since he decided to move into Monmouth, but Kavinsky's new to all of this, still.]
That's part of it, too. I don't want any of your pity. I don't want to be the afterthought or on the fringe of the lives you guys are making because I don't have anyone else. I think that'd be worse than if you guys just all drifted away.
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Date: 2014-12-08 07:45 pm (UTC)[He rolls his eyes] It's not pity, asshole. I don't do that shit. But whatever, I don't care. Being nice is not my thing.
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Date: 2014-12-08 08:32 pm (UTC)[He drains the cup and reaches for the bottle.] How else am I supposed to take it? I tell you one of my biggest fears and then you turn around and tell me that I can live in a spare room on the property so I don't feel as left behind. That's pity if I've ever heard it.
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Date: 2014-12-08 08:37 pm (UTC)Whatever, man. I didn't mean it that way. It's just weird to think of all you fuckers not being together. This place is cool. Monmouth. With all you guys living here. It's like, a better version of what I used to have, cause you all actually give a shit about each other. You'd do anything for each other, I bet, and that's cool.
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Date: 2014-12-08 09:10 pm (UTC)We do, but it isn't permanent. We're all only here because there's nowhere else for us. No one else really understands or tries to understand the things we've seen or done or been through. Except Gansey. That's what holds us together, and when all of this is said and done? When we find Glendower, then what?
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Date: 2014-12-08 09:23 pm (UTC)[He furrows his eyebrows, wondering if the others feel this way too] You're all only here because there's nowhere else for you? That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. [he sounds almost offended by this, because then it just sounds like they're all using each other too. In a different way than him and his friends, but still. Using each other for company because there's no other options. He's never seen Adam, Gansey and Ronan like that before. Even the dead kid fits right in here, because they just do that. They fit] You're really fucking stupid if you think that. If you think some old bag of bones is all that's holding you together.
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Date: 2014-12-08 10:18 pm (UTC)It's not. [He knows it isn't, really, but it's difficult for him sometimes to look at positives.] I'm just...I worry about this kind of stuff, okay? What happens after all of this? Where does that put all of us once we don't have all of this weird in our lives anymore. Even just going back to school and dealing with normal stuff is hard after the summer we just had. That's what everything's going to be like after all of this.
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From:In which I reveal my love for cars.
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