leylined | For fucking_kavinsky

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For fucking_kavinsky

Adam's time at school has been just as frustrating as it had been at school. He'd gotten used to the regular dynamic that had been built up over the past month, of Gansey-Lynch-Parrish-Kavinsky. Now it's Lynch-Kavinsky, or Gansey-Lynch, but never all four of them. The classes they share are especially straining, because Adam has to sit next to the other three in places with assigned seating but the fact that they aren't talking and pointedly trying not to pay attention to one another doesn't go unnoticed. It's even worse when the other students pick up on the fact in places with unassigned seating, and Adam's in his own corner while Ronan or Kavinsky are in another entirely. Others stare. They talk as if Adam can't hear them, and all he can think is pariah. This is the consequences of what we've done.

He's glad when the school day is over and Adam's released from after school activities, trying to find Gansey but is almost instantly rebuffed. We have to go to the psychics. Adam would have gone with them, but Ronan's already leaving, and that's a spot he doesn't want to be part of. Not when their problems are something that would take more than a twenty minute drive to get over.

When he points out that he rode with Gansey that morning, Kavinsky as his ride is almost immediately put forth and Adam freezes. He and Kavinsky haven't been talking, which in some ways is worse than when they were fighting. It's like their whole relationship has been restarted back beyond even square one, where Adam was a nobody and Kavinsky only second to Gansey in school notoriety. He doesn't know how to handle this.

Still, he bucks up and seeks the other boy out, telling Kavinsky what's going on.

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Kavinsky knows all about Ronan and Gansey's plan of course. They talk. Gansey doesn't treat him like roadside trash, because he appreciates what one and what they did. That's what Kavinsky tells himself anyway, when he walks through Monmouth and doesn't go downstairs to see Adam, or sit next to him in class.

He didn't do a damn thing wrong. He was there when he needed to be.

So he's annoyed as hell when Ronan and Gansey leave Adam on him, but technically he "doesn't care either way" so he just shrugs his shoulders, rolls his eyes and agrees to it.

Kavinsky, of course, makes a point of railing lines off the hood of Proko's car when Adam finds him. He loves it when people talk shit about him and he can prove to them just how right they are.

When Adam first goes looking for him, he entertains the idea of maybe talking to Kavinsky, admitting his own guilt in all of this and that entire night was Adam lashing out because it was the only thing he knew how to do when his life was out of control and out of his own hands.

Then he sees Kavinsky doing lines, looking straight at Adam as if challenging him. For the briefest moment Adam's face flashes with hurt, embarrassment, and disappointment before he schools himself back into a mask of annoyed indifference. So much for that.

Rather than say anything to exacerbate the situation, he heads to Kavinsky's car after informing him of what's going on and waits there, willing himself not to look back at the other.

Kavinsky relishes in that look on Adam's face, because when things are out of his hands, he tries to control them by making them worse. And then it's all hey, it was gonna get all fucked up anyway, so why the hell not. But he knows what Adam is thinking, and it hurts. It hurt then, and it hurts now. Only difference is, he's not giving a shit now. Or he'll try and act like it, anyway.

He makes Adam wait, because he can, and because he also wants to be completely unreliable because of all the drugs he's doing.

When he finally gets to his car, he moves past Adam to go around to the drivers side and waits for him to get in. "Got held up. You know how it is. Always late, never show up for things. Fucking junkies, am I right?" He snorts, starting the car up. "Nino's?"

"Yeah. Junkies." Because Adam isn't going to just sit there and take it. He's never been one for that, not when people are intentionally trying to get a rise out of him.

He gets in and immediately buckles up. At Kavinsky's question he shakes his head. Not when Kavinsky's acting like this. "Monmouth." Because he's scared if he says "home" in this state, that Kavinsky would jump on it and take him to the trailer park.

Adam agrees with him and Kavinsky knew that he would, even though Kavinsky was there then, and he's he's here now. He should stop being so damn reliable. It's easier to take insults when you turn them around on yourself.

"Straight home? How fucking boring." He sighs, but pulls out of the Aglionby lot at a fairly normal speed, before tearing down the road.

Which Adam's not fine with at all. As soon as they're speeding down the road, Adam's anxiety starts building and almost subconsciously he grabs for the 'Oh, shit!' handle. He wants to tell Kavinsky to stop, but a part of him is guessing this is part of the game. Get Parrish to lose it. Adam's trying his hardest, but the speed is hard to ignore.

Kavinsky is not actually trying to get Adam to lose anything. He's just driving, same as always, because there are just some constants in the world and Kavinsky driving like an asshole is one of them.

Kavinsky being an asshole used to be a constant, but that's been more of a wavering thing as of late, and when he sees Adam get all tense and squirrely, he slows down just a little. "What?"

Adam's staring straight ahead, starting to fall into that pit already, but he isn't incoherent. His vision feels like it's swimming and that he's only half inside his body, though. In the back of his head, sounds of that day start to become louder, but it isn't overtaking him just yet.

"Too fast," he finally admits, his throat tight. "You're going too fast."

He's about to pick up speed again, when Adam tells him he's going too fast. He purses his lips, but lets the car slow. "You know that's how I always drive, right? Even faster." He reaches out and pokes Adam's shoulder. "What's with you? You have an aversion for speed now?"

"I know," and there's a part of him that's disappointed in himself. He hasn't felt that way since that night, but then again, Gansey's a safe driver. Adam shies away from the poking and hesitates at the question because he really hasn't dwelled on it. "No. I don't know. It's not safe." He grumbles. "What do you care, anyway?"

He makes a turn, but doesn't careen into it like he usually does. He just keeps glancing at Adam. "I'm a good driver, you know that too." His stance changes then and he rolls his eyes hard, "I don't care, I'm just asking. I don't care about anyone or anything, remember?" He says as sarcastically as he can manage.

Adam starts leveling out again as Kavinsky starts to drive more cautiously. His breathing settles and he manages to look at the other from the corner of his eye. "Thank you." For a second Adam entertains the thought of making it sound sarcastic, but his relief is genuine. He swallows at Kavinsky's reminder, because he does know that. "It's..." but he can't find the words, especially when Kavinsky is still poking at him like this.

"Forget it." Because Adam knows it's bullshit, and that Kavinsky's trying to get a rise out of him, or teach him a lesson, but Adam's desire to apologize left when Kavinsky did a line off of Prokopenko's car. "Let me know when you're done not caring."

Kavinsky shrugs at the thank you, because he has nothing sarcastic to say back at it and he doesn't trust the rest of what wants to come out of his mouth. It'll sound too much like he's hurt, and he doesn't want that.

"Well, that's up to you, isn't it," he says anyway, fingers wringing at the steering wheel. "You're the apparent judge of that, it seems. So just let me know when you think I've appropriately cared about anything at all."

Adam sighs roughly. Kavinsky's irritating him now, and Adam's becoming more and more aware that he's more than capable of walking home. "Something's bothering him, I think," Adam states rhetorically. "I wonder what it could be."

Kavinsky pulls a face, annoyed as well. He hates this, but he damn well didn't start it. "Something's bothering who? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You and this shitty attitude you're copping right now," Adam snaps, looking at him full on. "If you're looking for me to apologize, you're really going about it the wrong way."

"I shouldn't have to look for you to apologize, fuckface. You should have done it anyway, because you're an asshole." Kavinsky shoots him a glare. "Shitty words deserve a shitty attitude. You think you're a god damn saint? Well you're not. Poor Adam Parrish, oh its okay, he's so poor and homely that he's allowed to say anything he wants, no matter what. Poor Adam Parrish, he has free reign to be a dick, because no one would ever hold it against him, because he's so quiet and meek and poor. Fuck off."

"And you know what? I was going to apologize up until you started all this crap!" His face is hot and flush with anger. "What's the damn point of apologizing when the person you're apologizing to is being just as big of an asshole?" He breathes in and it turns into a snort with how quickly he pulls it in. Then he looks outside. "You know what? Screw this. Stop the car. I can walk from here."

"Oh yeah, sure. Well, good thing for you, you can get out of it now. How nice and convenient for you that you only mean it when things are going your way," he snorts, then slams his hand on the locks so Adam doesn't stupidly hurl himself out of the car, because the dumb fuck would, and then Kavinsky would have to run him over. "I didn't start shit, Parrish. This is all you. All fucking you. I'm not stopping the car so just deal with it. I told them I'd drive you home, so you're getting driven home."

"Fuck you." It's all he can think to say at the end of it, because Kavinsky's right, Adam should apologize even if Kavinsky's acting like a shit, but this whole situation really makes him not want to. "You'd still be acting this way even if I had apologized."

"That's right, you know everything about me. You've even decided how worth it the level of my actions are." He wants to drive faster so badly, but he doesn't. "Does this count as me driving you home? I'm high, so I'm not sure if it even counts as me being around. Guess that goes for my entire existence too, cause I've been high for most of it."

Adam huffs and looks at the lock for a moment, contemplating if he's fast enough to undo it before Kavinsky can react. It passes though, and he opts instead to slouch sullenly in his seat. "Whatever. Screw it."

"Yeah, fucking screw it." Kavinsky repeats, then actually shuts up for most of the ride home. Most of it. Before they turn onto Monmouth, he stops the car, enough to jolt the both of them forward a bit, then back against their seats. "I was there."

The jolt causes Adam to lock up, but thankfully that's the worst of it. He gets ahold of himself and looks over at Kavinsky. "Yeah, you were there." An acknowledgment, not an apology. At this point, Adam isn't sure if Kavinsky could tell its sincerity or not.

When that's all Adam says, Kavinsky can feel anger boiling up inside of himself again. It's as if Adam has completely thrown away everything they've built up all these months. Kavinsky knows he shouldn't have held on to it so much. People are fleeting at best, anything they say... well, that's even worse.

He was there, but he was useless. That's what Adam means. That's what he said back there, too. And now he's going to stop caring.

He starts the car up again, without another word, tearing down the road as fast as he possibly can. He makes the sharpest turn possible, into Monmouth's parking lot, then he unlocks the doors, leaning over and shoves Adam's door open, then shoves him out. "Get the fuck out! Fuck you! You better fucking get in the house before I run you over with my god damn car, you fucking pussy bitch!"

Adam's locking up the moment he feels the car ramp up, pleading as they zoom the rest of the way down the street, and everything's a jumble of color and sight and sound and he's lost. Then he's going head over heels and is in the pavement and nothing of the last twenty seconds is registering.

Adam lifts himself up onto his elbows, any sort of mask of indifference or anger instead replaced with shame, fear, and panic. The words are familiar, and not because Kavinsky may have said them in the past, but because someone else has, which ignites his most ingrained instincts: submit. Obey. Don't give him a reason to make him any angrier.

It's an awful mix of memory, and Adam bolts toward Monmouth, uttering a stream of apologies. It takes him a few tries to make it up the stairs without incident, but he does it, blowing through the door and closing it behind him. When he's away and safe from what's out there, he leans against the wall of the factory and sinks to the floor, letting tears fall when he's sure he's the only one inside.

Kavinsky glares at Adam a moment longer, then yanks the door shut when Adam goes running away. Good. He doesn't give a shit. Let the fucking pussy piss his pants for all he cares. He's tired of helping, being there, and getting dragged through the dirt for it.

He yanks the door shut when Adam runs off, and he has every intention of running the car right into the side of Monmouth... but he loves this car too much, and wants to think of himself again, not everyone else. He's done.

He parks the car in the lonely lot, then heads into Monmouth, grabbing a bottle of vodka and shuts himself in his and Ronan's room, pouring out whatever coke he has left and doing it all.

He should have went. He could deal with whatever snips Ronan dealt out. He could deal with silence if that's what he opted for. This, he can't deal with. For a glaring second Adam thinks the roaring of the Evo is Kavinsky leaving and that somehow is worse than being left alone. But the engine cuts off, followed by the sound of his footsteps coming up the stairway. Angrily. Adam curls into himself, unable to find the strength to actually get up and move.

The door barely misses him and he makes a fearful noise in the back of his throat, and he's pleading for anything out there to stop the inevitable. His nose fills with the scent of Cabeswater then, and the familiar feeling of foliage curling across his skin. He doesn't know if it's comfort or protection, but he'll take it.

Then nothing comes.

Kavinsky moves right past him and further into Monmouth, and after a moment, Adam watches his movements, from the kitchen to Ronan's room. Then silence. Adam doesn't know what to do. If he should stay there, or talk to Kavinsky, or head back to his own room, but any of those options could make the whole situation worse.

For now, he opts to stay where he is, a frightful creature. Nothing better than dirt.

Kavinsky doesn't even notice Adam. He's making a point of it now, because what's the use? No matter what those stupid fucks say, he's always going to be branded the bad guy. Anything else is just temporary, and he doesn't deserve that shit. At least with his old friends, he knew what he was getting. They never lied to him about what they wanted to use him for.

So he does his drugs in Monmouth, even though he's not supposed to, and it feels good, no matter how jittery he is now. It's comfortable and he knows it well. It's the rest of this shit he can't deal with.

Blowtorch doesn't approve, so he stays far away from Kavinsky, even when he calls his bird over. Annoyed, Kavinsky throws a book at him, then opens his window and decides he'd rather be up on the roof.

It takes Adam a bit to realize what's going on. His mind is all over the place. Losing that dream Gansey. Losing Drew. Losing Ronan and Kavinsky, and after today he's sure that's going to be a certainty. The ley line is starting to invade his mind again, both comforting while not-so-subtly reminding him that he needs to get his act together and fix the line.

But then other images come. A white Mitsubishi. Sledding off of a roof into a pile of snow. A broken rib and the start of a friendship. Greywaren. Yes, he's here. He's broken bonds with both of Cabeswater's protectors and he feels the worst for it.

More images. This time less pleasant and things Adam would rather not deal with, especially now. But they start mixing together. Kavinsky. Horror. Danger. Is he...? And then Adam's on his feet, adrenaline spiking as his mind puts the pieces together. He rushes into Ronan's room, heedless of whatever the other may be doing- and sees him trying to shimmy his way out.

"KAVINSKY!" He closes the short distance in record time, wrapping his arms around Kavinsky's torso and pulling back with what strength he can manage.

Kavinsky is managing, somewhat haphazardly, to start climbing out the window. Blowtorch is squawking at him, which only makes him want to climb faster. "Shut up, you dumb bird! Fuck you!"

It's Adam's voice that has him unbalanced, nearly slipping, before he's being yanked back inside. "Holy shit! What the fuck!" He very nearly fell. Though he isn't sure if it was cause of himself, or because of Adam. Either way, Adam has a tight hold on him and they're both sprawled across the floor. "Fucking christ, Parrish."

The adrenaline slowly subsides as Adam tries catching his breath, sprawled on the floor and still holding Kacvinsky as tightly as he can. After a moment the terror that Adam was feeling at seeing the other climbing out of the window subsides, and Adam pulls back enough to glare at him, then punch him in the arm as hard as he can manage. "You idiot. You goddamned idiot! What the hell were you thinking, climbing out of the window like that?!"

He hits him again, this time softer, before wrapping his arms back around Kavinsky and holding him tight. Kavinsky was about to hurt himself if Adam hadn't recognized Cabeswater's warnings in time. "Don't do that again, you bastard. Don't fucking scare me like that!"

Kavinsky is only slightly disoriented by the whole thing, his heart thrumming in his chest, more from the drugs than anything else, though. He has no idea how the fuck Adam even knew he was crawling out the damn window, then he remembers all his magic crap.

"Ow, Parrish! Jesus!" He rubs his arm when he's punched. Adam definitely has a stronger punch when adrenaline is running through him. "I was just...!" He starts, but then Adam is hugging him again and Kavinsky doesn't know what to do, so he hugs Adam back. He remembers when they did that once, when Adam said he was his friend. "I was just trying to get up to the roof."

"We have a ladder. We have a roof access, you jerk!" And for a moment, Adam can pretend that they aren't fighting and that they're still friends because Kavinsky is returning that hug. "What the hell possessed you to think that using the window is a good idea?"

"Well... I don't fucking know! It was right there," he waves a hand at the window. It was logical. Window was closer than ladder. "I wasn't trying to scare you... why the fuck were you scared?" You don't even like me, he wants to talk onto that, but he doesn't.

"Because you could have gotten hurt!" He pulls away from Kavinsky and glares at him. "Do you want to have a reprisal of going to the hospital? Because I don't. God, you could have broken your neck!" He's just relieved that Kavinsky is fine and has no clue how his words could be construed or is even conscious of the fact that the incident in question happened when the two were still on unfriendly terms.

"So what if I had? What do you care?" Kavinsky says, an echo of what Adam said at him back in the car. He remembers the hospital, going there with Adam. They weren't friends back then, and he wonders if they're friends now. "I've done way worse."

"Ow," he rubs at his back, wanting to complain about how Adam did more damage trying to yank him back, than if he had fallen out the window, but that's stupid and he just wants Adam to stop being mad at him.

Adam scoffs. "What do I care?" As if it's obvious, and Adam thinks it is. He looks exasperated, and a little tired. He lets go entirely and rolls away from Kavinsky with a huff. This wasn't at all how he thought this day would be. "You are such an asshole."

"Yeah, what do you care? You're the one fucking writing me off, Parrish." He moves back too, because there's no reason to be close to Adam if he's pulling back too. "Wow, newsflash. So are you."

"I'm not writing you off. I was pissed. And you keep shoving what I said back in my face before I can do anything about it." He sits up and leans up against Kavinsky's bed, his eyes on the floor. "This needs to stop."

"Oh, excuse me. Let me twiddle my thumbs and wait around for you to do something about it." He snaps right back, then sits himself up, across from Adam on the floor. "So stop it, then."

Adam looks at him, annoyed that Kavinsky is still acting like a shit about it. He knows it's irrational, but it irritates him that Kavinsky's irritated. He quells the feeling, though. "I'm sorry, okay? I was worked up that night. We all were. You just happened to be there. I don't blame you for anything."

Kavinsky doesn't say anything to that, because there really isn't anything to say. It's bullshit. The whole thing is bullshit.

"Oh, I jut happened to be there. Just like I have been all this fucking time. I'm there, Parrish. I'm there, I'm here, and it doesn't fucking matter." None of this matters and he knows it. He pushes himself up, rubbing at his nose. "Lets just fuckin'... order a pizza or some shit. Just hang out, whatever."

Adam's eyes narrow. "See? This is exactly what I meant. I apologize and you still find a way to turn it around on me." He stands up at the same time as Kavinsky and catches the rubbing of his nose. "Did you-? Again? Really?" His anger starts coming back up, but he hasn't forgotten what had just happened outside, and why Adam was curled up next to the doorway of Monmouth.

"Unbelievable." So rather than risk a reprisal of everything that had just gone down, he shakes his head in disappointment and makes his way out of the room, heading downstairs.

"As if that was a fucking sincere apology. I'm not stupid." And just when he's ready to just brush the whole thing off anyway, Adam comes at him again, making him feel like the same worthless, piece of shit junkie who is never there for anyone, even though he always is now, time and time again.

"What!? What the fuck did I do!?" Kavinsky stands there as Adam shakes his head and leaves, offer of hanging out and friendship revoked. He's never felt so disgusted in his life. He put his time, his care, his trust in these people. He wanted friends, but these aren't friends. These people are worse than the ones he had before. Those people didn't lie to him.

He wonders why it mattered so much if he was going to crawl out the window and go to the roof. He wonders if Adam would have cared if he knew Kavinsky snorted coke. He wonders if Adam even realizes that he's the reason he did it in the first place.

He kicks the door shut and stares at it angrily, wanting to hurt something. He stares at it so long he feels like it might explode, so he yanks it open again and heads out, getting back in his car and drives fast, as fast as he can. He hopes he ends up slamming himself into a tree.

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