For fucking_kavinsky

[leylined]

Adam's time at school has been just as frustrating as it had been at school. He'd gotten used to the regular dynamic that had been built up over the past month, of Gansey-Lynch-Parrish-Kavinsky. Now it's Lynch-Kavinsky, or Gansey-Lynch, but never all four of them. The classes they share are especially straining, because Adam has to sit next to the other three in places with assigned seating but the fact that they aren't talking and pointedly trying not to pay attention to one another doesn't go unnoticed. It's even worse when the other students pick up on the fact in places with unassigned seating, and Adam's in his own corner while Ronan or Kavinsky are in another entirely. Others stare. They talk as if Adam can't hear them, and all he can think is pariah. This is the consequences of what we've done.

He's glad when the school day is over and Adam's released from after school activities, trying to find Gansey but is almost instantly rebuffed. We have to go to the psychics. Adam would have gone with them, but Ronan's already leaving, and that's a spot he doesn't want to be part of. Not when their problems are something that would take more than a twenty minute drive to get over.

When he points out that he rode with Gansey that morning, Kavinsky as his ride is almost immediately put forth and Adam freezes. He and Kavinsky haven't been talking, which in some ways is worse than when they were fighting. It's like their whole relationship has been restarted back beyond even square one, where Adam was a nobody and Kavinsky only second to Gansey in school notoriety. He doesn't know how to handle this.

Still, he bucks up and seeks the other boy out, telling Kavinsky what's going on.

Comments

[fucking_kavinsky]

"Oh yeah, sure. Well, good thing for you, you can get out of it now. How nice and convenient for you that you only mean it when things are going your way," he snorts, then slams his hand on the locks so Adam doesn't stupidly hurl himself out of the car, because the dumb fuck would, and then Kavinsky would have to run him over. "I didn't start shit, Parrish. This is all you. All fucking you. I'm not stopping the car so just deal with it. I told them I'd drive you home, so you're getting driven home."

[leylined]

"Fuck you." It's all he can think to say at the end of it, because Kavinsky's right, Adam should apologize even if Kavinsky's acting like a shit, but this whole situation really makes him not want to. "You'd still be acting this way even if I had apologized."

[fucking_kavinsky]

"That's right, you know everything about me. You've even decided how worth it the level of my actions are." He wants to drive faster so badly, but he doesn't. "Does this count as me driving you home? I'm high, so I'm not sure if it even counts as me being around. Guess that goes for my entire existence too, cause I've been high for most of it."

[leylined]

Adam huffs and looks at the lock for a moment, contemplating if he's fast enough to undo it before Kavinsky can react. It passes though, and he opts instead to slouch sullenly in his seat. "Whatever. Screw it."

[fucking_kavinsky]

"Yeah, fucking screw it." Kavinsky repeats, then actually shuts up for most of the ride home. Most of it. Before they turn onto Monmouth, he stops the car, enough to jolt the both of them forward a bit, then back against their seats. "I was there."

[leylined]

The jolt causes Adam to lock up, but thankfully that's the worst of it. He gets ahold of himself and looks over at Kavinsky. "Yeah, you were there." An acknowledgment, not an apology. At this point, Adam isn't sure if Kavinsky could tell its sincerity or not.

[fucking_kavinsky]

When that's all Adam says, Kavinsky can feel anger boiling up inside of himself again. It's as if Adam has completely thrown away everything they've built up all these months. Kavinsky knows he shouldn't have held on to it so much. People are fleeting at best, anything they say... well, that's even worse.

He was there, but he was useless. That's what Adam means. That's what he said back there, too. And now he's going to stop caring.

He starts the car up again, without another word, tearing down the road as fast as he possibly can. He makes the sharpest turn possible, into Monmouth's parking lot, then he unlocks the doors, leaning over and shoves Adam's door open, then shoves him out. "Get the fuck out! Fuck you! You better fucking get in the house before I run you over with my god damn car, you fucking pussy bitch!"

[leylined]

Adam's locking up the moment he feels the car ramp up, pleading as they zoom the rest of the way down the street, and everything's a jumble of color and sight and sound and he's lost. Then he's going head over heels and is in the pavement and nothing of the last twenty seconds is registering.

Adam lifts himself up onto his elbows, any sort of mask of indifference or anger instead replaced with shame, fear, and panic. The words are familiar, and not because Kavinsky may have said them in the past, but because someone else has, which ignites his most ingrained instincts: submit. Obey. Don't give him a reason to make him any angrier.

It's an awful mix of memory, and Adam bolts toward Monmouth, uttering a stream of apologies. It takes him a few tries to make it up the stairs without incident, but he does it, blowing through the door and closing it behind him. When he's away and safe from what's out there, he leans against the wall of the factory and sinks to the floor, letting tears fall when he's sure he's the only one inside.

[fucking_kavinsky]

Kavinsky glares at Adam a moment longer, then yanks the door shut when Adam goes running away. Good. He doesn't give a shit. Let the fucking pussy piss his pants for all he cares. He's tired of helping, being there, and getting dragged through the dirt for it.

He yanks the door shut when Adam runs off, and he has every intention of running the car right into the side of Monmouth... but he loves this car too much, and wants to think of himself again, not everyone else. He's done.

He parks the car in the lonely lot, then heads into Monmouth, grabbing a bottle of vodka and shuts himself in his and Ronan's room, pouring out whatever coke he has left and doing it all.

[leylined]

He should have went. He could deal with whatever snips Ronan dealt out. He could deal with silence if that's what he opted for. This, he can't deal with. For a glaring second Adam thinks the roaring of the Evo is Kavinsky leaving and that somehow is worse than being left alone. But the engine cuts off, followed by the sound of his footsteps coming up the stairway. Angrily. Adam curls into himself, unable to find the strength to actually get up and move.

The door barely misses him and he makes a fearful noise in the back of his throat, and he's pleading for anything out there to stop the inevitable. His nose fills with the scent of Cabeswater then, and the familiar feeling of foliage curling across his skin. He doesn't know if it's comfort or protection, but he'll take it.

Then nothing comes.

Kavinsky moves right past him and further into Monmouth, and after a moment, Adam watches his movements, from the kitchen to Ronan's room. Then silence. Adam doesn't know what to do. If he should stay there, or talk to Kavinsky, or head back to his own room, but any of those options could make the whole situation worse.

For now, he opts to stay where he is, a frightful creature. Nothing better than dirt.

[fucking_kavinsky]

Kavinsky doesn't even notice Adam. He's making a point of it now, because what's the use? No matter what those stupid fucks say, he's always going to be branded the bad guy. Anything else is just temporary, and he doesn't deserve that shit. At least with his old friends, he knew what he was getting. They never lied to him about what they wanted to use him for.

So he does his drugs in Monmouth, even though he's not supposed to, and it feels good, no matter how jittery he is now. It's comfortable and he knows it well. It's the rest of this shit he can't deal with.

Blowtorch doesn't approve, so he stays far away from Kavinsky, even when he calls his bird over. Annoyed, Kavinsky throws a book at him, then opens his window and decides he'd rather be up on the roof.

[leylined]

It takes Adam a bit to realize what's going on. His mind is all over the place. Losing that dream Gansey. Losing Drew. Losing Ronan and Kavinsky, and after today he's sure that's going to be a certainty. The ley line is starting to invade his mind again, both comforting while not-so-subtly reminding him that he needs to get his act together and fix the line.

But then other images come. A white Mitsubishi. Sledding off of a roof into a pile of snow. A broken rib and the start of a friendship. Greywaren. Yes, he's here. He's broken bonds with both of Cabeswater's protectors and he feels the worst for it.

More images. This time less pleasant and things Adam would rather not deal with, especially now. But they start mixing together. Kavinsky. Horror. Danger. Is he...? And then Adam's on his feet, adrenaline spiking as his mind puts the pieces together. He rushes into Ronan's room, heedless of whatever the other may be doing- and sees him trying to shimmy his way out.

"KAVINSKY!" He closes the short distance in record time, wrapping his arms around Kavinsky's torso and pulling back with what strength he can manage.

[fucking_kavinsky]

Kavinsky is managing, somewhat haphazardly, to start climbing out the window. Blowtorch is squawking at him, which only makes him want to climb faster. "Shut up, you dumb bird! Fuck you!"

It's Adam's voice that has him unbalanced, nearly slipping, before he's being yanked back inside. "Holy shit! What the fuck!" He very nearly fell. Though he isn't sure if it was cause of himself, or because of Adam. Either way, Adam has a tight hold on him and they're both sprawled across the floor. "Fucking christ, Parrish."

[leylined]

The adrenaline slowly subsides as Adam tries catching his breath, sprawled on the floor and still holding Kacvinsky as tightly as he can. After a moment the terror that Adam was feeling at seeing the other climbing out of the window subsides, and Adam pulls back enough to glare at him, then punch him in the arm as hard as he can manage. "You idiot. You goddamned idiot! What the hell were you thinking, climbing out of the window like that?!"

He hits him again, this time softer, before wrapping his arms back around Kavinsky and holding him tight. Kavinsky was about to hurt himself if Adam hadn't recognized Cabeswater's warnings in time. "Don't do that again, you bastard. Don't fucking scare me like that!"

[fucking_kavinsky]

Kavinsky is only slightly disoriented by the whole thing, his heart thrumming in his chest, more from the drugs than anything else, though. He has no idea how the fuck Adam even knew he was crawling out the damn window, then he remembers all his magic crap.

"Ow, Parrish! Jesus!" He rubs his arm when he's punched. Adam definitely has a stronger punch when adrenaline is running through him. "I was just...!" He starts, but then Adam is hugging him again and Kavinsky doesn't know what to do, so he hugs Adam back. He remembers when they did that once, when Adam said he was his friend. "I was just trying to get up to the roof."

[leylined]

"We have a ladder. We have a roof access, you jerk!" And for a moment, Adam can pretend that they aren't fighting and that they're still friends because Kavinsky is returning that hug. "What the hell possessed you to think that using the window is a good idea?"

[fucking_kavinsky]

"Well... I don't fucking know! It was right there," he waves a hand at the window. It was logical. Window was closer than ladder. "I wasn't trying to scare you... why the fuck were you scared?" You don't even like me, he wants to talk onto that, but he doesn't.

[leylined]

"Because you could have gotten hurt!" He pulls away from Kavinsky and glares at him. "Do you want to have a reprisal of going to the hospital? Because I don't. God, you could have broken your neck!" He's just relieved that Kavinsky is fine and has no clue how his words could be construed or is even conscious of the fact that the incident in question happened when the two were still on unfriendly terms.

[fucking_kavinsky]

"So what if I had? What do you care?" Kavinsky says, an echo of what Adam said at him back in the car. He remembers the hospital, going there with Adam. They weren't friends back then, and he wonders if they're friends now. "I've done way worse."

"Ow," he rubs at his back, wanting to complain about how Adam did more damage trying to yank him back, than if he had fallen out the window, but that's stupid and he just wants Adam to stop being mad at him.

[leylined]

Adam scoffs. "What do I care?" As if it's obvious, and Adam thinks it is. He looks exasperated, and a little tired. He lets go entirely and rolls away from Kavinsky with a huff. This wasn't at all how he thought this day would be. "You are such an asshole."

[fucking_kavinsky]

"Yeah, what do you care? You're the one fucking writing me off, Parrish." He moves back too, because there's no reason to be close to Adam if he's pulling back too. "Wow, newsflash. So are you."

[leylined]

"I'm not writing you off. I was pissed. And you keep shoving what I said back in my face before I can do anything about it." He sits up and leans up against Kavinsky's bed, his eyes on the floor. "This needs to stop."

[fucking_kavinsky]

"Oh, excuse me. Let me twiddle my thumbs and wait around for you to do something about it." He snaps right back, then sits himself up, across from Adam on the floor. "So stop it, then."

[leylined]

Adam looks at him, annoyed that Kavinsky is still acting like a shit about it. He knows it's irrational, but it irritates him that Kavinsky's irritated. He quells the feeling, though. "I'm sorry, okay? I was worked up that night. We all were. You just happened to be there. I don't blame you for anything."

[fucking_kavinsky]

Kavinsky doesn't say anything to that, because there really isn't anything to say. It's bullshit. The whole thing is bullshit.

"Oh, I jut happened to be there. Just like I have been all this fucking time. I'm there, Parrish. I'm there, I'm here, and it doesn't fucking matter." None of this matters and he knows it. He pushes himself up, rubbing at his nose. "Lets just fuckin'... order a pizza or some shit. Just hang out, whatever."

[leylined]

Adam's eyes narrow. "See? This is exactly what I meant. I apologize and you still find a way to turn it around on me." He stands up at the same time as Kavinsky and catches the rubbing of his nose. "Did you-? Again? Really?" His anger starts coming back up, but he hasn't forgotten what had just happened outside, and why Adam was curled up next to the doorway of Monmouth.

"Unbelievable." So rather than risk a reprisal of everything that had just gone down, he shakes his head in disappointment and makes his way out of the room, heading downstairs.

[fucking_kavinsky]

"As if that was a fucking sincere apology. I'm not stupid." And just when he's ready to just brush the whole thing off anyway, Adam comes at him again, making him feel like the same worthless, piece of shit junkie who is never there for anyone, even though he always is now, time and time again.

"What!? What the fuck did I do!?" Kavinsky stands there as Adam shakes his head and leaves, offer of hanging out and friendship revoked. He's never felt so disgusted in his life. He put his time, his care, his trust in these people. He wanted friends, but these aren't friends. These people are worse than the ones he had before. Those people didn't lie to him.

He wonders why it mattered so much if he was going to crawl out the window and go to the roof. He wonders if Adam would have cared if he knew Kavinsky snorted coke. He wonders if Adam even realizes that he's the reason he did it in the first place.

He kicks the door shut and stares at it angrily, wanting to hurt something. He stares at it so long he feels like it might explode, so he yanks it open again and heads out, getting back in his car and drives fast, as fast as he can. He hopes he ends up slamming himself into a tree.