Leave it. [Anger's starting to boil up, spoiling that flirtatious mood that they'd started. But Adam had made a promise to Kavinsky. Well, not a promise, exactly, but it was still something he'd meant. Adam keeps from looking at Ronan still because he knows that the wrong look or words would make everything spill out. And even though their relationship isn't where it had been before all of this had started, things were level enough that the fights didn't matter.]
My problem is you, okay?! [He looks up then, staring Ronan dead in the eyes, unable to mask the anger there.] You made your choice already. You can't just keep flirting with me and expect things to be okay.
Yeah, you. [He gets up, not caring about the mess for now. It's been some time since he's really allowed himself to rage like this. A part of him already hates himself for it, but another is reveling in the anger. This is something that's been festering for a while now.] I get that I screwed up. I fucking do, okay? All I wanted was some space to get my head together about all of this, because I don't know about you, but liking guys is a new thing to me. It hurt, but I understood why you stopped coming around to St. Agnes after that. I don't know if I could be around me, either. But damn it, Ronan, you didn't even tell me about Kavinsky until long after you started dating.
It hurt you? I felt like a fucking moron, Parrish! [He sighed and raked his fingers over his short hair in a frustrated way.] You hate him. Everyone hates him. Everyone always has and I don't. Didn't exactly make me feel like I could tell any of you, you know?
It would have helped stop me from being an ass about it in front of him, first of all! And I don't hate him. At least, not anymore. So there's that. [He sighs.] And yeah, it hurt me. You came around even before we tried anything, and then you just stopped. It let me think about everything, and. And I was ready to take that step but I was too late by the time I realized it. You have to know by now I still want to be with you, Lynch. You have to be blind not to see it. And I know that us? It's probably never going to happen, but you make it impossible to move on because you're still protecting me, or standing up for me. And that. You still make it feel like you want me, and that's...I'm sorry, but I can't do that if I know nothing's going to happen.
What the fuck am I supposed to do then!? I've always protected you...we take care of each other. All of us. Now I'm suppose to stop because you decided to late that you want me back!?
Stop making it feel like you want me if you don't really. Stop flirting with me. That's what you can do. It's not fair to me, and it isn't fair to Kavinsky.
Alright. Fine. [He's about to turn and walk off to his own room, but morbid curiosity stops him. He feels awful asking, but it's something that he can't help. Not in this mood.] Was there anything I could have said or done to make things different when I found out?
[Ronan folds his arms over his chest and shakes his head.] I'm not answering that and giving you ammunition to torture yourself with. You might not want me to protect you, but I sure as hell am not going to help you hurt yourself.
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timeasmymeasure
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